Episode 1.2 - Aug. 7, 2005
Plot Synopsis, by Eve
Lee gets LOTS of screen time.
Steals the show. Runs away with it. Looks lean and mean and more deadly than a speeding bullet.
He has plenty of great lines and memorable scenes.
The show opens with Lt. Conrad "Connie" Rose (Gary Cole) entering a
dive bar. Traci Lords (literally) is tending bar.
Then Eddie Drake (Lee) blows in like he owns the place. (In fact, he
does own the place. And the scene. And just about every other scene in this episode as well).
Drake: "I'm not hiring, lieutenant."
Rose: "How you doing kid?"
A brief exchange: Seems Drake has been suspended from the U.S. Marshal's service for killing a fugitive. Was it an accident?
Drake: "That's my story." And he's sticking to it, waving a muscled arm in the air. (A sneer, a twitch of mustache. Then he hoists a case of beer. Muscle, sweat. Fan girls go wild.) Seems a fugitive escaped from a prison in Virginia, and Drake hunted him for three days. Cornered him. Gave him a chance.
The guy started running, shooting at Drake. Drake's warning shot hit the perp in the
face. So, now Eddie's running a bar.
Never mind. Rose is here with a job offer.
Drake: "I got a job."
Rose: "The U.S. Marshals don't want you back for a while and, left to your own devices, only bad things can happen."
The job offer: Something Drake's good at -- fugitive and suspect apprehension. The rub:
Rose is in charge.
Drake: "Deal breaker. You were a dick to me when I was a trainee." In fact, Rose was the main reason
Drake joined the U.S. Marshals, which is the main reason he is now moving cases of beer from one end of the room to the other.
Rose turns to leave: "I just remembered what I hate about you."
Drake and his best crooked, adorable smile: "Forget it. I was just waxing your hood. I'm in."
Drake thanks Rose for the job and for forgiving him for sleeping with his wife.
Rose is slackjawed. Apparently not so forgiving.
Drake, halo optional: "You didn't know?" Snarky smirk, exit stage left.
CUT TO: Bad guys suiting up like ninjas. Lots of weapons, masks and Kevlar.
CUT TO: An exchange with Rose and his ex. They don't get along. Son's in trouble at school. Oh yeah -- and she slept with Drake after work.
Wife: "It was a cry for help."
Rose: "Too bad no one heard ya."
LATER: Warehouse headquarters. Scenic industrial area. Drake, wearing nice shades,
zooms into the garage in a sporty Dodge (product placement at its
best). He's sporting those muscles, that swagger. He now owns the warehouse too.
ATF Field Agent Jimmy McGloin (Ryan Hurst): "Who are you?"
Drake: "Eddie Drake - U.S. Marshals Service."
FBI Special Agent Tommy Rodriguez (Benjamin Benitez): "What are you doing here?"
Drake: "Ladies night. Two-for-one well drinks. What about you, Fruit Loop?"
He flips them a badge, they flip it back.
Up walks Rodney Gronbeck (Josey Scott) of LAPD, a big guy with a hoop in his bottom lip like a bull. And drapery bangs and a ponytail fountain. Oh yeah… and a tattoo of some
half-naked broad on his forearm that catches Drake's attention. They're gonna bond.
But Rodriguez doesn't like Drake. Gets pissy. Drake snarks back: "Viagra and police work don't mix, Hard On."
Then the "Navy girl," Carmen Merced (Rashida Jones), comes in. Ignores Drake.
Drake, who will not be ignored: "Who's the waitress?"
Merced: "Your lips, my ass."
Drake flashes a smile. Lots of teeth. He's up for it.
CUT TO: Bank. Shooting. Police cars, blurred movement.
CUT TO: Headquarters. The gang's arguing about whether to cross state lines. Drake steps in - the hell with state lines. He'll cross whatever he wants. Nods all around. (Yeah…
what he said.) Everybody likes him now.
Rose is wary. Tells his crew: "You start agreeing with him and we're screwed."
CUT TO: Bank. Ninjas firing semi-automatics. Lots of smoke and spraying glass. Big long shoot-out. Lots of dead bodies. Drake arrives to survey the damage, a walking wet dream in a black leather jacket. He surveys the
damage and goes inside the bank. More wounded. Drake bends down, inspects the weapon. Rodriguez is pissed again -- gets in Drake's face about touching the evidence. Drake sets him
CUT TO: Gun store. Drake and McGloin are making the rounds. McGloin gets into it with Gun Store Guy, who won't give up his records. Yep -- he sold to the bad guys.
Drake tosses his curls: "You got a bathroom?"
Gun Store Guy: "What?"
Drake: "All this yelling -- I gotta pee." Sweet, angelic look.
Drake goes to the john and our sneaky hero stuffs two rolls of paper in the toilet and flushes. Sweet choirboy look, hands in the air: "Myron? … Uh… it's a gusher…" Gun Store Guy heads for the john. Drake heads for the computer to verify the gun serial number.
CUT TO: Deserted warehouse. It's surrounded. Drake and Rose are jogging with rifles. They creep inside, looking for ninjas. Suddenly: Lots of gunfire. Drake takes a dive, crawls over things, swinging his long gun. More bullets. The bad guy gets cornered. "Drop the weapon!" Does he do it? Hell no! They take him down.
LATER: Exterior of a house. Woman coming home with groceries. Ninjas grab her, lift her up and shoot her.
Drake's Dodge pulls up. He's back in black leather, McGloin in tow. They survey the backyard pool. Three dead, including a kid.
Out of nowhere, Drake says: "I'm thinking about learning French. You know a foreign language?"
McGloin: "I speak in tongues when the Lord switches me on."
Drake: "No shit… so you bought the whole heaven and hell thing on spec?"
McGloin gets evasive and they discuss languages some more, which
ends with McGloin inferring that French would be a bad language
choice for Drake because it's a romance language.
Drake's inclined to agree. It's an amicable conclusion -- they're
both just trying to shake of the horrors of the crime scene.
LATER: Drake in a light blue jump suit -- "disguised" as
an airline employee returning some lost luggage to the bad guys.
He's still feeling guilty about sleeping with Rose's wife. Drake
feels he should be disciplined, in view of their friendship.
Drake: "That's why I need a beating." More exchange, then Rose utters these pithy words: "Marriage is like hockey - it's a full contact sport. With a time limit."
Merced walks up and doesn't seem sure she wants to hear any of this.
Drake continues to admit his transgressions.
Drake: "I was drunk."
Rose: "Was she?"
Drake (familiar maniacal smile): "Oh yeah…"
LATER: Drake, still in "disguise," jumps out of a van. Runs into a church, knocks on the door. Bad guy's got him in his sights. Bang Bang Bang. Door's open. He goes in. "Hello… Eastern Atlantic Airlines.. Hello…"
Ninja comes in with a gun. Means business. Drake raises his hands, tries talking his way out. Ninja's not buying. Grabs
the wire Drake's wearing, makes him for a lawman. Drake swings the
bad guy around. They wrestle. Drake falls to his knees. Ninja shoots a gun against Drake's ear. He wails, falls to the floor grabbing his head, writhing in pain.
Rose checks on him. Aside from the massive vein pulsing in his
forehead, Drake's OK and gets back in the chase.
Ninja takes a hostage. Good guys follow. McGloin and Rodriguez confront him. Big guns all around. Rose shoots him with his power rifle, saves the girl who's hysterical.
Merced with attitude: "Lady you're alive - shut up!"
Another ninja. More running, chasing. He steals a car. Drake flies into the street, followed by the posse. But the bad guy is gone.
CUT TO: Headquarters. Merced drinking with Rodriguez. Enter Drake in a black wife-beater, looking deadly and swigging a beer.
McGloin: "Who took the last beer?"
Drake (who took the last beer): "Don't worry - I know where we can get more." Wide leg stance, tight jeans. He can definitely get more.
The group winds up in Drake's bar,
as he serves up pitchers of beer and accepts grudging thanks from